Walking Uprightly

 “Our choices in partners are not just random events in our lives.”

“In ways not discerned by us, God guided us to be together.”

“We trust that God brought us together for good reason.”

These are some of the quotes from my studies this week on marriage specifically in regards to our spouses as found in Drawing Heaven into your Marriage by H. Wallace Goddard, Ph.D.

Huhh…I won’t lie, I have wondered through my past difficult marriage if views like Goddard expressed could even be true. Goddard also quoted some opposing opinions:

“This marriage is a punishment for my youthful impulsiveness”

“My life would have been so much better if I had just chosen differently”

Are these messages from the adversary? Certainly. He wants us to feel discouraged, shamed and to despise the idea of marriage which is a blessing from God. Family unity is essential to God’s plan of Happiness. He doesn’t want families to succeed and will use whatever he can do dissolve it.

Marriage, is it worth saving? Even when it gets hard? “The solution to marital stress is not divorce, it’s repentance”, says Goddard. “It is in simple integrity that leads a man/woman to square up their shoulders and meet his or her obligations. It is found in the golden rule.” I couldn’t agree more. We’re human, we all struggle with that sometimes. I am sure we could all improve. Marriage certainly offers the practice.

Goddard mentions a man he once counseled who appeared to have been working on his own marriage. This man came to him pleading, “Can I quit this marriage yet?” (if you’re asking a question like that you have certainly tried so very hard to save your marriage). This man’s wife had turned her back on him and on the church. There didn’t appear to be any way he could save their marriage. Goddard’s answer to this man was, that when we understand covenants, we do everything we are able. We don’t pull the plug. This man returned to his relationship. His wife continued her path and eventually, their marriage ended. He didn’t pull the plug, did he? He did all he could do, and because of that he had given his best and hadn’t abandoned the covenants he made with God. I think this man could take comfort for his present and future situation in the scripture Doctrine and Covenants 90:24. It says, “Search diligently, pray always, and be believing, and all things shall work together for your good if ye walk uprightly and remember the covenant wherewith ye have covenanted one with another.” 

So, think about this…what if God gives us our experiences in marriage and makes them ideally suited to bless and balance us individually for how He wants us to grow? Do you think God wanted that man Dr. Goddard counseled to have his marriage last? Certainly, He did.  He gives all His children agency; the option to freely choose. Sometimes loved ones don’t follow golden rules. But you know what God gave us? Opportunities in marriage to better ourselves. We learn patience, how to manage anger and fears, to show and give love, to forgive, and sacrifice every day in marriages. These are all qualities we need to understand and feel in order to become like God. We get to choose how we do this and how much we want to learn. He will not force anyone to get it. We are accountable for our own learning and in God's timing, He can give us something more, even a stronger relationship with our spouse and certainly one with ourselves. 

The perspective of my own experience in marriage has influenced my perception of who God wants or wanted me to become. I am still being balanced. God knows better than me what I need. I have faith in his plan for me. I feel so thankful that even through my own experiences, I didn’t allow them to break me. It’s a conscious choice every day to feel that way. But you can't go it alone... it’s having faith in Jesus Christ and applying his Atonement that saves us.

L07