Love Maps

Henry B. Eyring said it best in that, “the greatest joys and the greatest sorrows we experience are in family relationships” [Our Perfect Example Ensign, Nov. 2009]. This is found especially in marital relationships. We came to earth to be challenged and to learn. Marriage is definitely a major crash course on that! We will gain a lot of experiences that help us grow in good and bad ways. Ok, so we are here…we get to pair up and marry the one we choose. Umm ok, so… is someone gonna give us an instruction manual or tell us how to do this right? The thing is, people are all so different and come from so many backgrounds that it is inevitable that in pairing two people you're guaranteed some challenges, even in the best of marriages!
Have you ever heard of a Love Map? In John M. Gottman’s book, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work talks about it. I guess you could call it a tool to help couples keep and stay connected by being intimately familiar with each other’s world. This map is actually information that you are continually gathering and storing in your brain about your spouse. You use it to love them with! I love the concept, cause I get it! (I will tell ya why it in a bit). Ok… can you imagine having a craving and sending your spouse out to get you a treat and they come home with your favorite without even telling them what it is? Whaaa? “Ahhhh, he loves me!”

Without a Love Map, you can’t really know your spouse. Sure, you can have great chemistry, get married and what? Let your relationship fade away? No! Here’s where you whip out this map…secret? Nah. Let me tell ya...did you know that over time you can get to know your spouse? Like know them, know them? Like bestestes frands, I love you foreves into eternity know them? I love you even when you annoy the crap out of me sometimes love them?  If you want a happy fulfilling relationship watch your spouse. Pay attention. Listen to them. Talk to them!  Ask them questions about their day. Really get in there and dig deep in to their business (in a loving non-stalky way of course). Staying connected and always try hard to get to know each other by sharing and truly listening to each other’s life goals, worries, and hopes, then storing it in your brain bank to use for later to show them you care! What a concept! I know I am not the same person I was when I was in my 20’s. This is a process that couples have to continually keep up on over the course of their marriage. I can imagine it works. I have had life long friendships using this map.

I am not sure if we are all born with this gift, but I think for me I have had love maps my whole life. I LOVE MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY! I am all about details and when a friend tells me she loves pink fluffy unicorns dancing on rainbows, I am gonna crochet her one and give it to her for her birthday on December 6th! Yes, I even know when her birthday is without her reminding me because I LOVE HER GUTS! Have you ever had anyone do this for you? You feel so loved when people know you. Ya know. 

Once I had a friend make me a homemade birthday card out of purple construction paper (my favorite color). She wrote, Happy Birthday Ashley (crossed out this spelling), Ashlee (crossed out this spelling), Ashliegh (crossed out this spelling), Ashlie (ahh, she got it right!) It cracked me up! I laughed soooo hard! It was because she knows how ticked I get when everyone spells my name wrong! Silly of me I know, but she knew me! She was poking fun at me but in a hilarious way! She also gave me $1 to get my favorite Diet Pepsi fountain drink. Best birthday gift eva! She knew the way to my heart because she love mapped me.

Dang skippy! I think what I learned for myself from this love map concept is that for my next spouse I need to find a guy who knows how to read a map! Wonder if he will be standing on the side of the road with his thumb out? Let me know if you maybe see him will ya? I am a’ lookin!

L06