President Ezra Taft Benson says that pride is a universal sin. This is one of those thistles and thorn perks Adam and Eve were told we would gain in mortality. Oh boy… if you’re married or have been you know first hand about this pride thing. Mostly we see it in the ones we love or used to in my case. I have an ex. Yes, I am one of those…
I read this whole chapter in Gottman’s book, The Seven Principles of Making Marriage Work on a principle about “Letting your partner influence you”. He talks about how great relationships would be if men would just allow their wives to influence them, allow equality in their marriages, honor and respect their wives and acknowledge her feelings. (Who was jumping on her bed fists raised to the air praising Jesus?) Gottman said women already are open to all these things with their husbands and there is no doubt that women have plenty to teach their husbands about friendships (I seriously love this guy). Although he was targeting men he made it very clear both husbands and wives need to be accountable for their dealings.
I then opened a chapter in another book by H. Wallace Goddard, Drawing Heaven into your Marriage called “Humility and Repentance”. In this chapter the reader is taught about principles of humility and repentance and that the opposite of it is an enemy to God (PRIDE). That the natural mind is an enemy to truth. Someone can walk around only “seeing” their version of the truth and imagines no one else can see it as clearly as they do. This mindset is an enemy to God, keeps us from connecting with others and from being taught by God. Sneaky Satan.
After pulling all this info into my brain I get to the end of the chapter to the postscript, “If, as you read this chapter, you found yourself thinking how much your (ex) partner needs it, I encourage you to re-read the chapter with yourself in mind instead.” DANG IT!!!! There you go people, you just experienced pride in Ashlie first hand. Guess who got to hang her head and go back and re-read these chapters? Sneaky Satan.
Here is what I now “saw” in me…President Benson said, “Pride is a sin that can readily be seen in others but is rarely admitted in ourselves…Selfishness is one of the more common faces of pride. “How everything affects me” is the center of all the matters- self- conceit, self-pity, worldly self-fulfillment, self-gratification, self- seeking.”
What’s the antidote for my pride? Here’s what else I found (Using the scripture skill of substitution) “And now Ashlie, I would that ye should be humble, and be submissive and gentle; easy to be entreated; full of patience and long-suffering; temperate in all things; diligent in keeping the commandments of God at all times.” Thank you for the reminder, Alma. (I love this guy).
Oh my goodness. Marriage is hard. Being divorced and the dealings of an ex-spouse are hard. Being an ex-spouse is hard! My fingers pointed at those who have offended and irritate me is an invitation for MY repentance! My irritation is my own lack of faith and humility in seeing how far God has carried me through and will continue to carry me. Dropping all the hate and hurt is the only way I can heal and drop all Pride that suffocates me. This is it! I get it! Pride is something I need to be aware of at all times.
Alma continues to teach me, “Ashlie, see that you have faith, hope, and charity, and then ye will always abound in good works” (Alma 7:24) That is the girl I want to be.
Do we even realize how much the Lord loves us? How much He wants to see us happy? To pull away from Pride? We have the power to set our own lives right in our marriages and in all our relationships. How beautiful is that we have a Savior that will allow us to hand over our sword. He will take our balled fists in His soft scared hands and hold us in His tender embrace. I want this. I WILL do this!
LO8
LO8
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