I think one of the
dangerous myths about marriage is that you’ll finally be happy when you find
your spouse and get married. You place your wedding gift “they lived happily
ever after” quote block next to your new wedding pictures and think, “yup, all
is well’’ and that is how the fairy tale ends. The end. WRONG!
The truth is, happily ever after in marriage is mixed of
many years of time and effort, and handfuls of pains and joys and TONS of
sprinkles of Jesus Christ. I sometimes
laugh at the Lord’s very sly plan to give us marriage as a means of personal
fulfillment mixed with great struggles and personal growth opportunities.
“Thank you God, I am having super fun times growing over here.”
Do I believe in marriage? YES! In my religion as a member of
The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, we believe in families. Not
just any families…but ETERNAL FAMILIES! The family relationship of father,
mother, and children is the oldest and most enduring institution in the WORLD!
It is ordained of God. He invites husband and wife to cleave to one another and
become one. Is it easy? No. Is it worth it? Yes! As we go through hardships in
marriage, we can choose to develop a deeper understanding of the eternal
purposes of marriage. Over the years in
our marriages, we realize it takes more effort and more sacrifice than we are
led to believe from our childhood fairytale dreams.
When people become unhappy in their marriages or they are
just flowing day to day on autopilot survival mode they often come to believe
they have two choices- either get divorced or endure their unhappy marriage.
There is another way people! WE can choose to commit to our own individual
growths and begin a huge mountain climb towards the kind of lasting love and
oneness of a goal that shoots for eternity. Unhappiness in marriage signals red
flashing lights for your own personal growth so that the two of you can work
harder on becoming one. You wanna know a secret? It takes two WITH God. Don’t
forget Him in the equation. If you know me it’s the only math I can appreciate.
Ok, your hearing from a girl here who chose divorce. “What
the heck? What kind of say do you have on marriage?” urrrchhh..say whaaa? I survived and attained personal growth in my
marriage and divorce that is still preparing me for my own eternal marriage
someday. I am moving through the hardest trial God has ever walked me through
in my life. My Savior is my best friend now! “But you’re a member of the Church
of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. They believe in eternity.” Why yes, yes
they do and we have been counseled by our church leaders that the kind of
marriage required for exaltation- eternal in duration and godlike in quality
does not contemplate divorce. In our temples, couples are married for eternity.
Was I? I choose to marry a non-member in my 20’s, so what? I made a choice and
learned a lot. Did it make my decision to go easier than those who have made
temple covenants? No way! I have a family too, people! I have a heart and
plenty of tears to go around. I honored commitments to my then-husband that I
up-held and honored with every fiber of my being! It’s hard to stay and it’s
hard to go in anyone’s decision on choosing divorce temple sealed or otherwise.
Here’s the scoop on the church’s stance on divorce:
Elder Oaks an apostle in the church has said, “There are
many good members who have been divorced. We know that many of you are innocent
victims- members whose former spouses persistently betrayed covenants and
abandoned or refused to perform marriage responsibilities for an extended
period. Members who have experienced such abuse have firsthand knowledge of
circumstances worse than divorce.” [drop the mic] Thank you Elder Oaks for
throwing all the shame that can sometimes be associated with divorce in the
church out the window!
I trust in God’s plan for eternal families with every fiber
of my being. I know and whole heartily believe in the church’s stance on
divorce. There shouldn’t be any! But I also know that there is a loving
Heavenly Father that would never ever condone staying in abuse to a spouse with
an unrepentant and unchanged heart with or without a temple sealing. Bottom line, Elder Oaks said it best for
those who are contemplating marriage, "The best way to avoid an unfaithful
marriage, or unsupportive spouse is to avoid marriage to such a person. If you
wish to marry inquire well.” Even then we aren’t guaranteed that mystical fairy
tale. It’s going to be ok. My personal advice from a divorced lady…Keep growing
you, don’t live in fear of marrying the wrong person, and trust GOD will hold
you and help you grow through one of the biggest growth opportunities found in
a marriage that you will ever have the privilege of in your life!
L02
